Husbands and wives want to be understood by each other but can often feel misunderstood when time isn’t regularly taken to share and to make sure feelings aren’t hurt, and resentments won’t have the opportunity to grow.
You can help build your marriage by practicing the following five tips for better listening:
- Be Present- Stop whatever you are doing, take your focus off of your to-do list, and be present. If you do not have the time to really get into a topic that has come up, carve out a time with your spouse as soon as possible to specifically be set aside for its discussion. Then, come back to the topic in a certain period of time, when you will be able to focus appropriately.
- Be Attentive- Physically focus on the person talking with you. Make sure your eyes stay trained on the person’s eyes and face.
- Identify the Feeling- Intentionally listen for the feeling that the person is trying to express. Is it excitement? Frustration? Concern? Joy?
- Restate- Restate the feeling you believe your spouse is expressing and the reason you believe he/she is expressing it. For instance, “You sound really concerned that your boss isn’t going to be happy with your performance. Are you concerned that you’ll be passed over for that promotion?” This validates the person and opens them up to wanting to share more. Ask for clarification if necessary. Then, repeat if necessary.
- Find the Win-Win- There doesn’t have to be a winner and a loser in a discussion. In fact, the best outcome for good relationship and good communication is to try to find solutions that give a win-win as much as possible. Looking out for the good of each other is a key to lasting love.
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