Parenting Listening Tips.
In the day-to-day living of family life, I’ve sometimes caught myself going on “automatic mom mode.”
Automatic conversations go something like this …
“Mom, can I … ?”
“Yes.”
“I can, great! Thanks!”
“Wait, what?!” What did I just agree to? “Quick,” I think to myself, “try to remember.” What did my kid just ask me?
Maybe your automatic response is, “Sure,” “No,” or “We’ll see,” but anytime that our attentions are not on what our kids are actually saying is time that is unintentionally surface-level.
As parents, we can fall into thinking that we “get” what our kids are saying and feeling. It’s not that we don’t care, but we can get lulled into a false sense of “go-with-the-flow.” We get used to things like sibling squabbles and chore complaints, but what if we are missing something? What if that sibling squabble has turned into something more hurtful than who gets the last Oreo? What if there is more behind the reason our kids don’t want to let out the dog? We can’t brush off our children’s everyday concerns and then expect them to trust us and come to us with the stuff that we think is more important some how.
It is ALL important.
Here are 5 Ways to REALLY Listen to Your Kids
- Intentionally Be There/Invite the Conversation- Whether welcoming your child home from school, driving him home from sports practice or youth group, or positioning yourself at the kitchen table during breakfast, consider how and when you might intentionally place your presence and listening ear into your child’s day. Also, don’t forget to tell your child(ren) often that you want them to come to talk with you whenever they want about whatever they want or need. Let them know your door is always open.
- Restate, Remember, Respond- When you do have conversations, practice the positive communication skills of restating what was said, identifying the feelings being expressed, and asking if you understand correctly. Then, remember what your child has said, and intentionally focus on how you can respond most appropriately.
- Take Action Towards What You Hear- While it is great to encourage our kids to seek God’s direction and to develop their problem-solving skills, if there is something that you can do to lighten their load, consider doing so. We all need kindnesses along the way in life.
- Take Time to Show that You Care- Stop what you are doing, and “light up” with a smile or a hug when your child comes into view. Turn off the TV, put away the computer, get off the phone, and focus on the opportunity that you have right before you to embrace that child at that time. This season of parenthood will pass all too quickly in hindsight. Making time NOW, in the everyday moments is how to make an impact and be present to your child’s heart.
- Have One on One Dates- Whether it is taking your child to a fancy meal and show or simply grabbing iced tea and going to a park for an hour or two, get away from the house and other family members to just enjoy time being with each child from time to time. Without the sibling dynamic, household routine, and everyday habits, you can really focus on time to listen and share together, and time spent together is never wasted.
How do you take time to focus on your child(ren) and listen to what they are really saying? Please share this in the comments below!
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